


The One As Two

by lovelaika



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, maybe AU?, who could say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 22:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20713718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelaika/pseuds/lovelaika
Summary: Tomorrow, Riamu would be free and clear. Tomorrow she could use her phone again. She could eat some real food and listen to music with headphones and go shopping and she could talk to someone who wasn’t literally in the nuthouse.





	The One As Two

September 23 was circled in red on the calendar in her room.

Her room was… spartan. It was hard to ignore the only thing on the wall across from her bed.

It wasn’t really her room though. It was all temporary.

Tomorrow, she’d be free and clear. Tomorrow she could use her phone again. She could eat some real food and listen to music with headphones and go shopping and she could talk to someone who wasn’t literally in the nuthouse.

Well, she was in here too, but…

Oh shit. She’d be out of here. Out in public. She’d have to go to school. Or worse, find a job. She’d stay up all night on Twitter again. Alone in her tiny garbage-filled room. Maybe she could stay here forever.

Yeah, it’d be easy! Wasn’t like it was that hard to get in, in the first place. All she needed was to sneak something sharp into the bathroom and…

She rolled onto her side. 

Her chances of finding anything sharper than a pair of chopsticks in here was basically none.

She felt a big cry coming on.

She can’t do this. Oh fuck. Oh fucking hell, why does she have to leave? Why can’t she lay in bed in an empty little room where people bring her food and water and her pills and she’ll even go to group therapy without complaining. If she’s a really good girl, she can just rent the room! She’ll pay rent! Her parents are good for it (though not good enough to actually come see her!)

Someone knocked on her door. No locks here, so not like knocking makes a difference. 

The door opened.

“Ri-ri, are you coming to dinner?”

“...”

“Riamu? You should come, it’s your last one before you go.”

She was trying to hide her sobbing, but it wasn’t going well. There was no way Hanako didn’t hear her whimpering.

She felt a weight press down on the side of the bed. Hanako put her hand on her shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m fucked.”

Hanako didn’t respond.

“I’m gonna die out there.”

Hanako moved her into Riamu’s hair. She hadn’t dyed it since she got here and her roots were more and more visible. She ran her fingers through it, silently.

“Riamu, you’re not going to literally die when you leave.”

Riamu rolled back over to show Hanako her red tear-streaked face.

“Look at me! I’m barely getting through it all here, where I don’t have to do much more than wander around like a zombie all day. If I don’t hurl myself off a building, I’ll probably get hit by a truck or die in a freak gyoza accident.”

“Come on Ri-ri, you know that’s ridiculous. And you know you’re already so much better than you were when you got here. You get dressed, you don’t scream at the nurses to love you, and you stopped ripping up your poems.

“Well, yeah. But only because my roommate told me to.”

“But you chose to listen to me, so I think that counts for something.”

She was right. More often than not, she was.

She sat up and Hanako turned so that they were facing each other.

“So come to dinner?”

Riamu leaned forward and mashed her lips into Hanako’s. It was clumsy, but Hanako reciprocated. They’d done this before. Hanako gently closed her eyes and let out a soft moan.

Eventually, Riamu pulled back. Before Hanako could get a word in, Riamu grabbed her wrists and pushed down onto the bed and straddled her.

“Come on, Ri-ri…”

Riamu started to pull up on her shirt. She needed this right now. She didn’t want to leave Hanako.

“Ri-ri!” Hanako’s face was turning crimson.

She grabbed the shirt and pulled it back over Riamu’s bra, “People are waiting for us…”

“Screw them, I want you!”

“They’re going to come get us while we’re in the middle of…”

“Nothing I’m sure they haven’t seen before.”

She went to start feeling up Hanako.

“No.” Hanako grabbed her hand. Her face was stern.

Oh, okay. Okay.

Riamu got off of her and moved to the far end of the bed.

“...I’m sorry.”

Hanako got up and leaned her back on the pillows. “It’s okay, Ri-ri.”

“I tried to do something bad to you.”

“It’s... not that I don’t want to, it’s just-”

“This is what I meant, about me not making it. I just can’t handle… people. The idea of fucking up and hurting other people or embarrassing myself. Getting close to people is just...”

“...”

“...See?”

Hanako scooted closer and gently placed a hand on Riamu’s thigh.

“Do you know how to dance?”

Riamu turned and quirked an eyebrow. 

“Do you?”

“Wait here for a minute.”

She leapt from the bed and went into a box in the closet on her side of the room. After a minute of digging and shuffling she pulled out a CD.

She then grabbed the community music player from outside their room and placed it on Riamu’s desk.

Hanako held out her hand.

“Please.”

Riamu hesitantly grabbed it and stood up.

“I’m not so sure about this. You know I’m kinda…” Riamu pinched her belly.

“You’ll be fine, it’s not hard. I’ll lead.”

She pulled Riamu in close, so they’re chests were nearly touching. It was times like these, she was reminded of her extreme shortness.

Hanako looked down at her.

“Now just step,” she put her foot out, “like this.”

Riamu matched her.

“And meet it,” she brought her feet back together, “like this.”

Step, and meet. Step, and meet.

“I’ll guide you, just step and meet.”

Step. Meet. Step. Meet.

“Now, I’ll start the music.”

Hanako returned to her position and held out her hand once again.

The song was slow, almost gentle. A piano and cello calling and responding in kind. It was… melancholic, but also warm.

Step, and meet.

First, they just went back and forth in place, Riamu still stiffly trying to position her feet in precisely the right place. Then, Hanako lightly guided them around the room.

When they returned again to the middle, Riamu nuzzled her head into Hanako’s chest. She felt the tears coming. She wasn’t sobbing now, but she felt them slowly trickling down.

“I don’t want to go back.”

“I know.”

“I’m afraid.”

“Me too.”

“What if we’re different when we see each other again?”

“We probably will be.” Her voice was wavering too.

Their steps got smaller now as the song slowly faded out.

Hanako moved into an embrace.

“But we might still be able to dance.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hanako was petting her hair, still in a tight hug.
> 
> “So… why was it so important I go to dinner?”
> 
> “Ah! Everyone’s waiting for us! We’re having a special dinner so everyone can say goodbye!”
> 
> Riamu made no effort to hide her confusion.
> 
> “...Really? For me?”
> 
> “Of course, we’re all gonna miss you.”
> 
> “I mean, I’ve really been nothing but a pain in everybody’s collective ass.”
> 
> “We still like you! Plus, there’ll be gyoza.”
> 
> “Sweet!”
> 
> [The One As Two](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGlGbuDU8sA), by Joep Beving
> 
> Thank you for reading, this is the first thing I've published in a while. The theme was Riamu and "last dance" requested by @ggbbggbbbb on Twitter.


End file.
